Supermarket Sweep
No sadly I am not going to blog about the infamous "supermarket dash" hit show although I think it's time they unfreeze Dale Winton, dust off his jacket and splash a bit of tango orange tan back on him and revive this wonderfully cheesy and camp show!
I was asked to blog about something that happened in my day today and since the highlight of my day has been a trip to Sainsburys - It will have to be this.
Of course, one is faced with a dilemma upon entering the supermarket and that is, what to use as a holder for your goods - Do you bypass them off if your only going for a few items and risk looking like a shop lifter, do you plump for the basket which as soon as it appears to have anything heavier in than a bag of flour starts to buckle under the pressure and your constantly swapping it into the other hand to give the current hand a rest. Do you go for the mini trolleys they now have and underestimate how much shopping fills up and end up re-arranging items similar to an I-phone app I have on my phone or finally do you choose the beast - the normal sized trolley which no matter which one you seem to pick, it is always the one with the "mind of it's own" and goes left when you steer right or the one with the stiff wheels. Well as a martyr to the cause I plumped for the beast of the trolleys and set off on my journey starting in the fruit and vegetable aisle.
The fruit and vegetable aisle - A maze of bananas, apples, melons, lemons and some slightly more obscure ones such as "ugli fruit" - seems a little harsh to discriminate and "star fruit" - again seems a little harsh to promote this fruit in an elitist way, anyway I simply needed a bag of apples and a bag of oranges - the oranges were simple enough and scooped up a bag of extra large oranges (well you only live once don't you) before coming to the apple section...well "Granny Smiths, Golden Delicious, Cox's - I felt a little one of my depth with these apple choices and after a long deliberation (approx 27 seconds) I chose a bag of Granny Smiths and scooted off to the next aisle on my list..tinned goods!
Tinned goods - A very organized and EMPTY (no other shoppers) aisle. Parked at the front of the aisle and with no shoppers in my sight - a little invisible devil appeared on my shoulder "Go on Danny....jump on the bar and race your trolley to the end...go on...." I'm not one for peer pressure especially from an invisible devil but soon found myself whizzing past tins of "Dora Spaghetti Shapes and Heinz baked beans", as I came to the end of the aisle I had to apply the emergency brakes to avoid crashing into a elderly lady who had appeared from the side aisle - I bashfully explained my trolley had "locked" and I was very sorry - she was very kind and let me quickly escape into the next aisle without further embarrassment - next aisle on my list was household
Household goods - Now when I say household I mean mundane products like washing up sponges, J-clothes, bleach, washing up liquid. This was an aisle of different scents - although strangely not coming from the cleaning products but possibly from a tramp living behind the Persil non bio - bio irritates his skin, anyway I digress once again..I spent a good while in this aisle (approx 4 minutes 37 seconds) because I'm so particular with these products...no not the type, size or even brand...of course I am talking about colour - yes I'm one of those annoying people that buy things purely because it's a nice colour. I ended up coming away with a bright pink washing up liquid! Time to checkout!
Checkout - Now of course I visited other aisles and other aisles are available in your local supermarket and I'm not advocating these particular aisles. (That's that non biased disclaimer out the way). The checkout always poses a dilemma in it's self, obviously the self-checkout was out of the running due to me having a trolley full but then your faced with eyeing up all the tills and checkouts - carefully checking how many products the person in front of you has and also whether it is a senior citizen, a school run mum or a single man buying his meal for ones for the week ahead, you must also factor in the checkout operative too - is it a fast efficient and friendly older lady, a speedy but emotionless and often grunting young lad or our worst nightmare - a bumbling older gentleman who's found a job to bump his pension up who we all respect but who we all don't want beeping our food through! I eventually plumped (third time I've used plumped) for a semi busy but relatively speedy checkout. The lady in front of me had 6 bottles of wine, 4 tins of Sheba cat food and various ready meals (bit of pointless information for you) along with other things of course, it sped along quite easily and without drama until she was asked "are you collecting the school vouchers" - this prompted her to think about it, ask the cashier what they were in aid of and how many she would get, after hearing she would receive 2 she politely declined saying "oh no, not worth it then" - sorry kids you can't have those new tennis balls you wanted as the lady in the supermarket didn't think it was worth it. It was finally my turn, she beeped the items through commenting every now and again with quotes such as "Oh I do like these" "These are nice in the cherry flavor" and giving my Quorn sticky fillets a rather funny look - she asked am I using my own bags to which I replied "no sorry" which was followed by a very disappointed "tut tut" look which then prompted her to say "oh you'll want some of ours then?" I nearly replied "no dear it's ok I'll balance them on my hands, feet and elbows" ( I didn't and replied "yes please") Finally it was time to pay, I handed over my nectar card and was told I had £8.80 on their to redeem which of course I promptly said "yes" too. I paid for my goods, loaded the last few bits in the beast (trolley) and scooted off to the car park which is where my drama came to an end (eventually)
Car Park - I calmly and carefully trundled around the car park looking for my car...after several minutes and a few incidents of going up to the wrong car - fear was starting to set in - not because I'd lost my car but because I didn't want my sticky fillets to defrost! I eventually found the car (i'd passed it twice) and loaded up the boot. I drove home and unpacked - which I'm happy to say was without incident!
Until the next spice ;-)
Danny @dannymorgan86
